Motives of the Heart

Some days I wish I could chat with Paul.  How did he do it?  Survive the imprisonments, the ridicule, yet preach such beautiful words and inspiring thoughts?

I guess I know the answer to that one: through the power of the Holy Spirit and his faith in God.  Sometimes I feel a little jealous of Paul.  It helps me to stop and remember where Paul came from.  He used to kill people for preaching what he now preached.  He sought them out and had them stoned.  Yet, God sought him out and forgave him.  Paul followed immediately, without doubts and wholeheartedly.

My reading today touched on a topic that I struggle with daily.  I think most women struggle with this topic as well, but I know I have some issues to work through with this one.  I am thankful for the reminder God gives me through His Word.  "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. .... It is the Lord who judges me.  Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait til the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts."

Oh, how I wish I could say I didn't care.  I guess I could say it, but it wouldn't be true.  I care way too much what others might think of me or say about me.  It is an issue I have been working on, have seen some improvement, but have a ways to go.  And above that, most times I judge myself worse than others probably judge me.  What I might see as as terrible 'mom moment' others could just see a typical occurrence in a home with 3 small children.

Thankfully, it is the Lord that judges me.  And, even though I screw up a lot, He knows my motives are pure.  He knows that I am trying my darnedest to seek Him and do what is right.  And, thankfully, He knows that when I even screw up and don't have my motives in the right place to begin with, I figure it out before too long and seek forgiveness.

Do you struggle with this?  Is it hard for you to remember what judgement really matters?  I am pretty sure I am not the only 'people pleaser' out there. 

Father, keep reminding me.  Keep making it obvious.  Keep sticking in the little 'light bulbs' that bring me back to you.  It is so easy to get sucked in to pleasing people instead of having my motives pure.  Help me seek You first and foremost.  Remind me that it is only your judgment day that truly matters and it is only your approval that counts.  Thank you for this reassurance and encouragement.