Not Quite There

I feel like a failure Christian when I read passages like 2 Peter 3:10-13 "But the day of the Lord will come like a thief.  The heavens will disappear with a roar, the elements will be destroyed by fire and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.  Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be?  You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming.  That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire and the elements will melt in the heat.  But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness."

The "looking forward and speed its coming" part is where I fail.  While there are elements to Jesus' return that I entirely look forward to, (things like seeing the baby I carried and lost way too soon, being reunited with the mother I never got to know, finally realizing what heaven is and how to grasp eternity, and ultimately getting to see Jesus face to face) there are too many things my selfish heart wants to see finished here on earth as well.

Foremost, while I know at this point, that my children will join me in heaven, I selfishly want to see them grow up.  I want to help my daughters plan their weddings and be there for them when they have questions about raising their babies (things I desperately wish I had a mother to do for me).  I want to see the kind of husband my son will become and the things he will accomplish. 

Secondly, I know and love way too many people who will not join me on that day.  I know I have failed too many times with too many of them to plead the gospel to them.  It is verses like these that remind me of how I have no clue if I'll ever have the chance to share it again.  While there are others who know where I stand and even know who Jesus is, but miss the 'big picture' when it comes to their true salvation.  I don't want to see them suffer.  I do not want to be separated from them for eternity. 

So, I don't know if it makes me a bad Christian to admit I can't quite say I'm ready.  I am not at the point where I completely look forward to the day Jesus comes back. I know that once I am there all the selfish thoughts will disappear and it will be an eternity of bliss, but I am not there yet.  I still live in my earthly body full of sin and selfish ambition.

I guess that is something I need to add to my prayer list.  Do you have any tips on how to get there?  Any 'ah ha' moments or thoughts that helped you move past all of the things that held you back from reaching that point?  The point of being totally ready for Jesus' return at any moment?