Practice What You Preach

The Christmas Musical is done.  It is a sigh of relief and a sadness all at the same time.  I did an entire post on it on my other blog here. 

I drove home from the last performance in tears.  Not because I was sad it was over or even that happy, but because I was feeling very sorry for myself.

You see, none of my family, besides my dad, came to see me.  They all had excuses and most of them pretty good ones...but it still left me feeling very unimportant.  I just kept thinking that even though they had an excuse, if they would have just tried a bit harder or planned ahead a bit more, they could have made it.  Heck, most of them didn't even apologize for not making it or even mention it, like they hadn't planned on coming in the first place.

It is really hard to put that much work into something and then have barely anyone that is close to you come see it.  Especially since I had a pretty big part this year and wanted them to see what it was all about. 

Through my tears, it hit me, "By the grace of God, I am what I am".  This is one of the main lines in the play.  I don't need my family to make me feel important or loved or valued.  I am all of these things through the love of God.  It hit me that the play I just performed spoke to me in a way I never even thought about.  I needed to practice what I had been preaching through the message of the musical.

Now, I am not saying my family didn't come because they don't love me.  But I do often fall on the bottom of the priority list in comparison to my sisters and brother (except to my dad).  It has always been this way and you would think I would get used to it.  But, truthfully, it never stops hurting.  All I can do is pray for God to remind me that He is the only one that matters.

My reading in Hebrews today helped me as well.  "These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.  God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." (11:39-40)

My reward for my hard work won't come through my family coming to watch me use the talents God gave me or telling me what a good job I did or that they really enjoyed the show.  It will come through Him.  When I get to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Thankfully, the family that I can always count on was there.  My precious husband and children and my father did come and enjoyed the show.  My in-laws and one sister-in-law and my mom's sister and her husband came as well which was great.  Why can't that be enough for me?  Why do I always want more. 

Father, help me remember in those times where I get to feeling sorry for myself that You are all that matters.  That even though some of my family may let me down, you are always there.  I praise and thank you for a wonderful, giving earthly father and supportive husband and children.  Stop me when I get in my 'pity parties' and remind me of what really matters.  Thank you for your grace and for letting me know that your grace is sufficient for me.