Today, Jame asks a pretty good question. "What causes fights and quarrels among you?" (4:1). He, in his bold writing style, answers the question as well. They come from the desires within us. Selfish ones.
Makes you think a bit. Have I ever been in an argument where selfish motives weren't behind it? I can't really think of many. I might have been defending a belief or someone else a time or two, but in the end, the root of an argument is to win the person over to your side or defend yourself.
It is so hard not to always put ourselves, our wants, needs and thoughts, first. Oh, as a mother and wife, I have learned quickly that my needs often come behind those of my family, but my selfish desires still often win. I am quick to get frustrated with my kids because their messes inconvenience me and cause me more work, even though they are easily cleaned up and gave my kids great entertainment in the process of making them. I have thoughts of my husband being lazy when he asks me to take care of something for him because it will take a few minutes of of my time for the day, or when I get upset with him for not helping me do something that I need to do (can we say double standard?). But these things, that often lead to short little squabbles could be so easily avoided if I would just get over myself.
Later in these verses James says, "When you ask {God}, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you my spend what you get on your pleasures."
In light of what I just stated, it makes me think of the many times I have muttered the little selfish prayer, "Just 20 minutes, Lord." Twenty minutes to myself with no responsibilities, no one saying, "Mommy!", nothing to clean, nothing to think about that needs to be done. Just 20 minutes for me. Yep. I don't usually receive these 20 minutes because of my selfish motives. I want to spend this 20 minutes on me; playing on the computer, reading a mindless book, taking a nap.
God has placed me in a role of service to my family. It is how I serve Him as well. So every second of serving them, I should consider joy. Now, I am not saying that 20 minutes to myself is sinning or not needed, but definitely not something I should feel like I 'deserve' because I work so hard. I am guessing if I worked harder and more efficiently, with more joy in my heart, these 20 minutes might come around more often as a smile to me from my Heavenly Father, pleased with my work. Guess I better get my butt off the couch and off my computer and get to work for the day....
Buckets! It is totally crazy how God uses my ramblings (which started off with me having no idea where I was going with this quarrelling stuff and ended in me serving more joyfully) to teach me so much. Thanks for sticking with me as I think through my keyboard. :)
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