Got a Big Ol' F on that one

I just screwed up.  Big time.  And I thank God for His mercies and His forgiveness as well as the forgiveness of children.

We have been having a really hard time with my youngest daughter lately.  She potty trained almost a year ago.  A whole year.  But lately she has decided (and she has done this off and on throughout this whole year) that it takes too much work to stop what she is doing and go to the bathroom.  So, she just goes in her pants.  Not enough, mind you, to leave a puddle or get completely soaked, she stops herself before that point.  But just enough to get her undies and pants wet, enough that she has to be changed. 

I don't know if you have ever been through this, but you can not imagine how frustrating this is.  We have tried everything.  Reminding her to go.  Taking her to the bathroom.  Making sure she knows what a good girl she is when she does make it to the potty.  Spanking her when she doesn't go on the potty.  Taking away privileges.  And just about anything else we can think of.

Today was another one of those days, as was yesterday.  The day we went to LegoLand in Kansas City, she had six accidents like this SIX.  In four hours nonetheless.  I am at my wits end.  I am tired of picking her up only to realize she is wet.  Or looking down at her playing and seeing that all too familiar wet spot between her legs.  When I picked her up to carry her upstairs and tuck her into bed for nap today, she was wet.  I already had to change her once this morning.  I snapped.  I lost it.  I was mad.  I yelled (a lot, think ugly, mad-red mama face).  I spanked her when I was still angry (which I never do) and I made her sit on the toilet for 10 minutes (which is a long time for a 2 1/2-year-old who still has to hold them self up on the seat).  The 10 minutes was mostly for me to cool off, but I told her she had to sit there so that she could remember what she was supposed to do and where she was supposed to do it.  Lastly, I took away her "mines" (her security blankets that she is very, very attached to).

So after I finally got her cleaned up, changed and tucked into bed I crashed on my couch and just asked God, "Why?"  Why is she being so difficult.  Why can't she figure it out?  Why does it make me so angry?  Why did I just scream at my baby?  I was so mad at myself at this point for how I had treated her, I had to ask for forgiveness. 

Still fuming inside though, I knew I needed something to calm me down.  Prayer and music do that for me.  So I flipped open my computer and turned on pandora.com.  Praying all the while, I just kept asking how I deal with my anger and the issue at hand.  And what do you know?  "Blessings" by Laura Story was the first song on. 

Through this song God reminded me of two things: 1.  If a little potty training issue is the worst thing going on in my life right now, I am blessed and 2.  Even if it is a small thing, I have to bring it to Him, rely on His strength and wisdom to get me through and remember that, like the song says, the trials of this life could be His mercies in disguise.

God is so good.  He knew exactly what I needed to hear.  Even if it doesn't solve the problem, it helps give me perspective. 

So, please don't judge me for losing my cool with my daughter.  Help a poor mama out.  Do you have any suggestions?  Is there something I'm not thinking of.  Do I just need to put her back in diapers?  Even if you don't have the answer, will you do me a favor and pray for me (and her) on this issue.  I don't know what else to do, that is all I have left.

Thanks for "listening".  I needed to get that out.  And now I need to go apologize to and love on my baby girl.